So You want to be Cool, not a fool!
Then just follow this 6-Point Guide for a Money Life that’s Coooooool!
- Always spend more than you earn. Budget and savings are boring words for cowards and fools!
- Don’t have enough cash in bank? Not to worry – Swipe your credit card – that’s what cool people do! Credit limit not enough for your big purchase? Take a personal loan – that’s what the bank’s for, right! Why worry about tomorrow’s payments when you can enjoy life today?
- OK so you’re not very good at spending – you have lots of savings. You save money every month. Phew! And you even want to invest it! Well, not to worry, just do this: Invest ALL of it in a bank fixed deposit or gold – no exceptions! After taxes and inflation, your real rate of return will be 0 or negative. Don’t you ever diversify and put money in growth assets. And all the while you’re fooling people into believing that you’re investing your money for nice and guaranteed returns. They just don’t realise that you’ll actually get guaranteed negative real returns – brilliant!
- Aah, Fixed deposits are old school, you say… You’re an adventure junkie – You love risk! We have something for you too – trade in equity shares every day or at least every week. You can even trade in futures and options. But why stop at equity trading? You can even speculate in commodity and currency futures. But do not ever buy bluechip stocks or diversified equity mutual funds. Even if you do, don’t hold them for years. Keep buying and selling. How else will your broker pals make money?
- Insurance – what a waste of money! Remember, never buy health insurance. Instead just decide to never fall sick. Easy! Of course, never buy term life insurance either. What’s the point? You’ll get nothing back as long as you’re alive(and you already know exactly how long you’ll live right?). Plus, you know your family never depends on you for anything so why leave something behind for them? Aah, now if you’re talking about those beautiful Endowment/Moneyback plans… go for it! They will give you Guaranteed negative real returns with the excuse of some tax savings. Such cool products, I tell you!
- Now this is Most Important: whenever, you’re making a significant financial decision, always go to other cool people for advice. And if you want really cool advice, just find an agent or a bank RM, but one who is only concerned about his cool commissions! Don’t ever go to a fee-based/fee-only Financial Planner(especially if he’s a CFP)! Those guys are BORING! They talk about stuff like Financial Planning, Need based investments, risk analysis, cash-flows, helping you achieve your Life Goals and Dreams through prudent money management, planning for a good Retirement, so on and so forth…yikes! They actually want to look out for Your Financial Life and even have the nerve to charge a Fee for that! Soooo uncool! Avoid them at all costs!
So now you know how to be cool in this financial year! All the best!
Image credit: http://www.scrapsyard.com/scraps/april-fools-day/